viperj's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the shadow of things It's only a matter of moments before i just explode. Sure I'm happy and what not, but it doesnt really do anything for me. I dont honestly know what i just said, but to me happiness will always come to an expense from yours trully. You know its the funniest thing in the world when you are with someone who you care about and you get soooo caught up in the routine that no matter what happens after you break up, you miss that routine, and you miss spending time with that person. I'm the dweller... All i need is five minutes... The truth is that i do love baby. Yes, we arent together, and its most likely that she is better off without me, because I am somewhat of a nutcase, but there was a time that I really did everything i could for her. There was a time when i had no idea what a routine was, so i did everything i could for her...then she got her car, and i got lazy and didnt care about doing stuff, because i just started falling into the routine trap. I regret getting into the routine, the next thing i know is that i see this side to her that I never thought i'd ever see. Yes, she was such a caring person but i saw a really nasty side to her, and i always took it to heart that she was like that...but in reality it was my fault I had to see it. Like i mentioned before, i'm a nutcase, i'm a dweller, and i get hardcore jelous. I mean, i only get jelous about the people that i care about, so in turn i know i cared about her. Sure its different now and we cant be together, thats allright, but i know for the rest of my life I will never have one regret about being with her, or even being her friend. Sure, things are still somewhat fucked up, but on the brighter side i havent lost her completely. She might be going to grad with someone else, sure it stings a bit, but what am i supposed to do; go to her grad, and punch her date out? I've slowly stopped writing my novel, I have absolutely no details yet. Heres the story: John and Michelle are dating, they fight about michelle kissing another guy, they get back together, they fight again, they break up, Johnny wants her back but she needs time to sort things out...and i'm completely up to my head on ideas...i'm just not sure the kind of direction i wanna go in. If anyone has ANY suggestions, please let me know on my guestbook. Thanks! It's just how funny how when you hear about other stories of couples fighting you honestly know what you have to say or do, but when it comes to your own life, it just seems like a kick in the ass...or it does for me, you know? I think one of the worst feelings in the world is being alone. I dont ever want to be hardcore depressed and sitting at home on my bed staring at the ceiling crying like there was no tomorrow; i would seriously hate that. I hear so many stories about people killing themselves because they have no one to turn to, well i'd never think about that option, I seriously don't think thats the way to go...it seriously isnt. It's so funny too how i can hear nothing but Rufio(cd player) and me typing away and how quiet it is down here. It's so fun going out of the city because it just lets me go away from all my problems here, and it just lets me have some freedom before i start to unwravel all my problems and insecurities in one giant mess; i just love problems. I miss the sensation of kissing someone. I really do. Can you keep a secret....? . . . . . . . . . My life isn't interesting...lol 12:01 p.m. - June 11.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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